There will be blood

Lately, the Champ seems interested in everything I drink. If I take a sip of water, he’ll lock his eyes on my Imo’s Pizza mug from the counter to my mouth. He does this while I’m carrying him in his BabyBjörn, which requires some impressive neck-craning.

This morning, he reached for my Monster Energy can. Without hesitation, my expertly honed journalist brain recognized an opportunity to take one of the Great Types of Baby Photos: Baby Pretending To Do Something Dad Does.

So I let him have the can. And look!

Baby holding Monster Energy drink can

There are two correct human responses to this photo. One is “lol he can’t have energy drink he just a baby lol.” The other is “OMG DANGEROUS!”

If you fall into that second camp, I’d like you to know that I took great care to make sure his mouth parts were far away from the sharp edges of the can’s opening.

A day earlier, my mom was telling me about how they had let me cut myself on a beer can when I was a baby. Surely today’s cans are safer than the rip-top death traps of the early ’80s, I thought at the time.

I shot four quick iPhone pics of Champ with the Monster and then took it away. Little guy’s mouth was unscathed. But, as you may have guessed from the title of this post, Attack of the Dad still screwed up.

Champ let out a quick cry. Then I noticed blood on his socks and all over the collar of his nice Threadless onesie. Blood everywhere!

Turns out he had a tiny cut just outside the nail on his left index finger, and babies can put their hands tons of places in a very short time. I cleaned up the cut, modded a Band-Aid and threw the evidence in the wash with some baby Oxi Clean.

But the shame stays with me every time I look at what otherwise might have been a great picture. Modern parents have smartphone cameras within reach at all times, and sometimes the challenge is deciding when not to take a picture. Here’s a new rule I’m sticking with: Don’t take a picture if it may cause bleeding.

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