A word of advice for new dads: NEVER blog about how well your babyperson is sleeping. It’s the oldest and harshest jinx. Last week, the Champ got a surly cold, and not even the formidable Nap Nanny® Chill™ could keep him asleep more than a few hours.
Today’s post is about bottles. I long considered myself an expert on the subject because I’m a master of the adult ones. If a container has booze in it, I will get us to the booze.
My 4½-month-old son, despite his fascination with grown-up drinks, isn’t quite old enough to hold his own bottle. Here’s one of his best efforts so far:
His grasp is shaky, he can’t quite get both hands to work together, and he’s not using his thumbs to their potential. This is a problem because 1) all the activity distracts him from eating, and 2) he’s spilling the breast milk that Mom works so hard to supply for us.
We’re working on it. It’s healthy for a boy’s aspirations to exceed his brain development. That’s what I tell my wife every time I practice telekinesis at home. It’s going to happen!
Since I can’t hold Champ’s bottle in place with my mind, I got in the habit of propping it on a pillow. I’d still sit next to him, but I’d use the extra hand to stuff cloth diapers (more on that later, if you’re lucky), feed myself or play Skyrim.
I guess I’m not a bottle expert after all. The USDA says bottle-propping could cause choking, ear infections and tooth decay while depriving the baby of essential human contact. None of that happened to the Champ, but here’s a risk the Internet won’t tell you about (until now, I guess):
BABY EATS PILLOW INSTEAD OF BOTTLE! Do you remember my pillow-eating joke from last week’s post? Double jinx! Anyway, now that I’m informed and my trusty propping pillow is mostly eaten, I’ll be holding the bottles myself from now on.
What this really means is I’ll be wrestling a determined muscle-baby every two hours until he figures out how to hold the bottles himself.