Batman won’t take his youngest son to see Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice.
“Four years old is a little young to see this whole movie,” Ben Affleck told the Associated Press. “I don’t want him to have nightmares.”
My 4-year-old son already has a ticket to the movie. With the opening-night crowd. On the biggest movie screen in the state. In brain-exploding IMAX 3D. Go big or go back to the Batcave, I always say.
You might be thinking I’m a terrible parent and an even worse moviegoer. Maybe you think I’m the kind of narcissistic father who presumes his own little Batman fan to be cooler than Samuel Garner Affleck. I don’t think I’m any of those things. Here’s why the Champ has earned his ticket. Continue reading Batman v Superman: Why I’m bringing my 4-year-old
We had a nice little McDonald’s breakfast routine going. Every week, on the way to the kids’ swim lessons, we would drive thru a neighborhood Micky D’s and eat in the car.
I would get a McGriddles sandwich combo and give the drink, always a chocolate milk, to one of the kids. Then I’d order a second chocolate milk and four orders of McGriddles cakes (“just the bread”). Big kid gets his milk in the jug while I expertly pour the little one’s into a Tupperware sippy cup. I bring my own water and a Monster to drink. I had it down to a science.
The good folks at my neighborhood McDonald’ses, not so much. I think maybe they’re not equipped to handle off-menu ordering. Probably my fault for violating the traditional combo structure.
Now I’ve spent all my birthday money on year of bi-monthly boxes filled with DC Comics collectibles and wearables from Funko. I always say my son is obsessed with Batman, but maybe I’m the one with the problem.
Please do not read to the end of this post. If you have a young daughter and she likes wearing Ariel clothes, believe me — you’re better than this.
We live in a golden age of ideas and information, but it all comes at a terrible cost. Right now, you’re looking at a magical window that can bring you all the best ideas anytime you want. The trade-off is that anyone can share any idea, no matter how dumb and bad, and sometimes we mix up the worst ideas with the best.
I’m not making a cheeky comment on American politics here, I’m disclaiming and apologizing for the dumb and awful thing I’m about to show you. I’m not doing this because it’s important. I don’t even have a strong feeling about this, other than *GROAN*, if that counts as a feeling. If you really want more *GROAN* in your life, well, I guess this is the post for you.
WANTED: The arms, torso and tail of a spider monkey. I have access to working baby legs, and I know a guy who has a pug. Attack of the Dad is making Puppy Monkey Baby happen IRL.
Why, you ask? I’m hot on social media thanks to brands (Taco Bell quote-tweeted my Instagram). I want to keep this rolling, and being a regular dad just isn’t cutting it.
A year ago, the ads in Super Bowl XLIX were all about dads. Always had an empowering message about how to raise our girls. Dove told us that a well-moisturized man is better at kissing his kids. Nissan had an inscrutable short film about a race-car driver, but Toyota really tugged at our dadstrings.
The Imaginext Robo Batcave is a 2016 Fisher-Price Super Friends playset. The $40 Toys R Us exclusive is nearly identical to the old Imaginext Robot Police headquarters, but the repaint adds a bunch of cool new details to celebrate Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice.