Batman v Superman is the movie America needs right now

If you’re like me, you’re up late watching CNN coverage of the 2016 election. You’ve finished your most on-the-nose strong beer (in my case a 32-ounce can of Arizona Wilderness American Presidential Stout). You should go to bed, but you can’t stop fretting over the future of this country.

This is worse than, say, the Cubs winning the World Series. It’s times like these that I go back to Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice.

It’s the most divisive movie of 2016. While fans like me loved the movie, critics panned it for its dour tone and murky character motivations.

But what are you doing tomorrow? You sure as hell don’t want to watch the news. That doesn’t make you feel good. Instead you feel fever. Rage. Powerlessness. Continue reading Batman v Superman is the movie America needs right now

Batman Unlimited Mighty Minis Series 3 blind bag codes

I found more blind bags at the store, so here’s another YouTube video of me and the Champ opening some toys. This time it’s Batman Unlimited Series 3, based on the new direct-to-video cartoon Batman Unlimited: Mechs vs. Mutants. If you’re shopping for these things, head over to YouTube for the full list of codes. We also did a quick video on the Batcave Playset.

While Mechs vs. Mutants toys are at the top of a Champ’s birthday wish list, the movie is on my you-know-what list. The reason: Warner Bros. decided to stop releasing these cartoon on blu-ray disc. In retaliation, I wrote a passive-aggressive Amazon review.

All 8 Quentin Tarantino movies, ranked

Podcasts are a big stay-at-home dad life hack. They provide hours of free, portable entertainment. They get me through the dishes and fulfill my oft-neglected need to hear only adults talking.

Some friends of mine have a world-renowned podcast with hundreds of episodes and many thousands of listeners. I don’t often listen because it’s about professional wrestling. But the good folks at The Steel Cage have invited me to appear on two of their off-topic episodes, better known as the Unfunny Nerd Tangent.

In the latest installment, we come up with the definitive ranking of Quentin Tarantino’s films. Don’t forget, dads, that in Kill Bill Vol. 2 (pictured above), Tarantino showed us the best possible way to welcome a stressed-out mom home from work. Continue reading All 8 Quentin Tarantino movies, ranked

Batman v Superman: Why I’m bringing my 4-year-old

Batman won’t take his youngest son to see Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice.

“Four years old is a little young to see this whole movie,” Ben Affleck told the Associated Press. “I don’t want him to have nightmares.”

My 4-year-old son already has a ticket to the movie. With the opening-night crowd. On the biggest movie screen in the state. In brain-exploding IMAX 3D. Go big or go back to the Batcave, I always say.

You might be thinking I’m a terrible parent and an even worse moviegoer. Maybe you think I’m the kind of narcissistic father who presumes his own little Batman fan to be cooler than Samuel Garner Affleck. I don’t think I’m any of those things. Here’s why the Champ has earned his ticket. Continue reading Batman v Superman: Why I’m bringing my 4-year-old

Watch us unbox the DC Legion of Collectors crate

Maybe we’re going overboard with the Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice collectibles. On top of the Robo Batcave, we’ve made videos about Mighty Minis Series 2 AND Series 1, plus a video I’m extremely proud of on how to make Batman cereal bars.

Now I’ve spent all my birthday money on year of bi-monthly boxes filled with DC Comics collectibles and wearables from Funko. I always say my son is obsessed with Batman, but maybe I’m the one with the problem.

This Little Mermaid meme will ruin your daughter’s Ariel clothes

Please do not read to the end of this post. If you have a young daughter and she likes wearing Ariel clothes, believe me — you’re better than this.

We live in a golden age of ideas and information, but it all comes at a terrible cost. Right now, you’re looking at a magical window that can bring you all the best ideas anytime you want. The trade-off is that anyone can share any idea, no matter how dumb and bad, and sometimes we mix up the worst ideas with the best.

I’m not making a cheeky comment on American politics here, I’m disclaiming and apologizing for the dumb and awful thing I’m about to show you. I’m not doing this because it’s important. I don’t even have a strong feeling about this, other than *GROAN*, if that counts as a feeling. If you really want more *GROAN* in your life, well, I guess this is the post for you.

I’m only sharing this dumb idea because it won’t quit kicking around my head. Once I let it out, I should be able to move on to more important parenting blog posts. Also, I made a graphic depicting myself as an 8-bit King Triton. And that brings us to The Little Mermaid. Continue reading This Little Mermaid meme will ruin your daughter’s Ariel clothes

Imaginext Robo Batcave gets YouTube treatment

The Imaginext Robo Batcave is a 2016 Fisher-Price Super Friends playset. The $40 Toys R Us exclusive is nearly identical to the old Imaginext Robot Police headquarters, but the repaint adds a bunch of cool new details to celebrate Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice.

But you’re probably wondering, when did Attack of the Dad turn into a series of toy videos on YouTube? Continue reading Imaginext Robo Batcave gets YouTube treatment

Parenting: The inverse ninja law

My parents are in town, and we’re loading my two kids into the car after lunch at Food Truck Friday in downtown Phoenix. My dad fumbles with the buckles on two-year-old Champ’s car seat. My mom wrangles the lunch leftovers while cooing over the new baby girl. I break down the fancy stroller — it’s so fancy there’s a song about it — and load it in the back of my beefy crossover.

It’s taking forever, and my mom asks, “How do you do this by yourself?” The truth is that when it’s just me and the kids, I can do all this in half the time.

You see, I’m a ninja.

Ninja dad
This is how I take care of two kids all by myself.

Continue reading Parenting: The inverse ninja law

Best baby names: A simple formula

I’m about to double my cash value as a stay-at-home dad. My wife and I are expecting our second child — a girl — this August. In the month since we found out the sex of the baby, we hear the same thing every day:

Do you have a name? How about _________ ?

Aryll is Link's little sister from "The Windwaker." You already know the DeLorean.

I’ll answer the second question first. No. Your name suggestion is stupid. As for the first question, we don’t have a name. We have something even better: A formula for coming up with the best possible baby name. Continue reading Best baby names: A simple formula

The Chompfather

It’s funny how these Internet memes get started. Somebody tweets a photo. Then somebody else comments, “Hey, that should be a meme!” And before you know it, some poor boy’s dad spends his entire Friday evening Photoshopping “The Godfather” quotes onto a stylized baby picture.

Nine-month-old Champ isn’t sleeping well these days. He’s got a second tooth coming in full steam, and his crib triggers an intense urge to work on his stand-up skills. After a pretty good nap this morning, Chompy stood up and smushed his chin onto the crib’s wide siderail. I think it helps his teething pain, but it also transformed his regular schnauzer face into a FULL BRANDO.

Lots more “Chompfather” quotes after the break: Continue reading The Chompfather