All 8 Quentin Tarantino movies, ranked

Podcasts are a big stay-at-home dad life hack. They provide hours of free, portable entertainment. They get me through the dishes and fulfill my oft-neglected need to hear only adults talking.

Some friends of mine have a world-renowned podcast with hundreds of episodes and many thousands of listeners. I don’t often listen because it’s about professional wrestling. But the good folks at The Steel Cage have invited me to appear on two of their off-topic episodes, better known as the Unfunny Nerd Tangent.

In the latest installment, we come up with the definitive ranking of Quentin Tarantino’s films. Don’t forget, dads, that in Kill Bill Vol. 2 (pictured above), Tarantino showed us the best possible way to welcome a stressed-out mom home from work. Continue reading All 8 Quentin Tarantino movies, ranked

The most violent video game just got a dad button

Get ready to be brutally eviscerated right in the feels. Just in time for Father’s Day, Sony debuted a gameplay trailer for the new God of War on PlayStation 4. It’s a must-watch for every parent.

As you’re watching, keep a close eye on the kid. Soak up his innocence and indecision. Watch how he skips and jumps through the snow like a real boy. And at the end, watch the harshness melt from the father’s face as he guides his son’s hand.

The dad here is Kratos, star of the franchise. He’s been a dad since the first God of War hit PlayStation 2 eleven years ago. Back then he stunk at it. Tricked by Ares, He murdered his wife and daughter. Their ashes are what make his skin white. Kratos got so mad he spent three games murdering all the Greek gods.

Now Kratos has moved north to the land of Norse gods and bushy beards. He has a new lease on life, a new axe, a new son, new monsters to fight and an amazing new gameplay feature: THE DAD BUTTON. Continue reading The most violent video game just got a dad button

Father’s Day Game of Thrones: A tweet of the Dad

A handful of Facebook friends unfollowed me because they thought I was serious about spoiling Season 6, Episode 9 (59 overall). Did you know the title of the episode is a spoiler in itself?

Anyway, this tweet is pure fantasy. I’ll watch the episode at 10:30 p.m. Arizona time, four and a half hours after it first airs, an hour after we put the kids to bed and 30 minutes after I glance at a spoiler posted by someone I need to unfriend on the social medias.

I should know better by now, for the Facebook is dark and full of terrors.

Sorry lady, my son still hates the Chewbacca mask

Attack of the Dad salutes Candace Payne, the Texas mom who treated herself to a Chewbacca mask, broadcast the joyous unboxing on Facebook live video and broke the internet.

My son the Champ is a connoisseur of online toy videos. He’s the driving force behind our YouTube channel, our sprawling Batman collection and my frequent trips to every toy aisle in town. He sidled up to me as I was watching this video today, then demanded to watch it a second time.

“Everyone likes this video because she is so happy,” I explained. That’s an understatement. This video has more than 131 million views and is the most watched video since Facebook live launched. Happy for a viral shout-out, Kohl’s bathed this family in Star Wars swag and other goodies.

Have you watched it yet? Most likely you’ll giggle right along with Payne. The Champ didn’t.

“Because it makes sound and it covers up your face,” he says. “That’s why I don’t like it.” That’s not all, though. He and this mask have a history. Continue reading Sorry lady, my son still hates the Chewbacca mask

No sleep till chow mein: A tweet of the Dad

As a parent, you feel like you’ve worried about everything. You haven’t. You never even thought to worry that your kindergartner would steal your car. I may have to rethink my endorsement of napping.

This could happen anywhere, but I had to throw in #PureMichigan because I never had the good sense to joke about Pure Michigan when I was covering the news in Michigan.

Batman v Superman: Why I’m bringing my 4-year-old

Batman won’t take his youngest son to see Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice.

“Four years old is a little young to see this whole movie,” Ben Affleck told the Associated Press. “I don’t want him to have nightmares.”

My 4-year-old son already has a ticket to the movie. With the opening-night crowd. On the biggest movie screen in the state. In brain-exploding IMAX 3D. Go big or go back to the Batcave, I always say.

You might be thinking I’m a terrible parent and an even worse moviegoer. Maybe you think I’m the kind of narcissistic father who presumes his own little Batman fan to be cooler than Samuel Garner Affleck. I don’t think I’m any of those things. Here’s why the Champ has earned his ticket. Continue reading Batman v Superman: Why I’m bringing my 4-year-old

Watch us unbox the DC Legion of Collectors crate

Maybe we’re going overboard with the Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice collectibles. On top of the Robo Batcave, we’ve made videos about Mighty Minis Series 2 AND Series 1, plus a video I’m extremely proud of on how to make Batman cereal bars.

Now I’ve spent all my birthday money on year of bi-monthly boxes filled with DC Comics collectibles and wearables from Funko. I always say my son is obsessed with Batman, but maybe I’m the one with the problem.

This Little Mermaid meme will ruin your daughter’s Ariel clothes

Please do not read to the end of this post. If you have a young daughter and she likes wearing Ariel clothes, believe me — you’re better than this.

We live in a golden age of ideas and information, but it all comes at a terrible cost. Right now, you’re looking at a magical window that can bring you all the best ideas anytime you want. The trade-off is that anyone can share any idea, no matter how dumb and bad, and sometimes we mix up the worst ideas with the best.

I’m not making a cheeky comment on American politics here, I’m disclaiming and apologizing for the dumb and awful thing I’m about to show you. I’m not doing this because it’s important. I don’t even have a strong feeling about this, other than *GROAN*, if that counts as a feeling. If you really want more *GROAN* in your life, well, I guess this is the post for you.

I’m only sharing this dumb idea because it won’t quit kicking around my head. Once I let it out, I should be able to move on to more important parenting blog posts. Also, I made a graphic depicting myself as an 8-bit King Triton. And that brings us to The Little Mermaid. Continue reading This Little Mermaid meme will ruin your daughter’s Ariel clothes